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ellie collin

If I had my time again



Once I confessed to a student that if I had my time again, I’d be a documentary film-maker - very sweetly (or perhaps pityingly), he said that my time wasn’t up yet.


This prompted a Carrie Bradshaw - it kind of got me thinking - moment.


What are the reasons I would want to be a documentary filmmaker? You get to educate important audiences on important issues. Is it really that different from what I do as a teacher? The reason I’ve stayed teaching for so long is that I truly believe in the potential of the individual to make a difference: you just have to awake and harness their passion. But as the world stands, some people are privileged with more potential than others due to genes, backing, contacts, education, work ethic, confidence etc. It doesn’t mean that life is easy but it certainly helps. I have always known that the students I taught at a selective London day school all had huge potential and many of them would be future leaders - so, like a filmmaker I have told important stories that I hope have helped them to see their potential to make a positive difference to those around them, in both small and profound ways.


Before my time of altruistic indoctrination was over and they were set free to fly towards the blank and giddy horizon of their adult lives, I shared with them some of what I would do - or not do - if I had my time again.


1. Be hungry for new experiences and perspectives. You have worked hard to get into top universities but you’ve had a lot of help. Acknowledge that and don’t take it for granted. Many people will not have had it as easy as you - for some those problems will remain: poor mental health, no financial backing, substandard education, coming from a minority group who people - on whatever level - deem to be somehow less capable or worthy of their seat at the table. They will continue to have it hard because they are on a back foot, while you may not be. But they’ve got there - what qualities do they have? What can you learn from them? How can you try to understand their experience and in doing so enrich yours? Ask questions and really listen to the answers. This leads on to my 2nd point.


2. Do not surround yourself by people who are like you - learn early on that diverse experiences and viewpoints make for a far richer life in which you can truly grow. This will extend to when you leave uni and are making decisions about business partners, employees, clients. All the research tells us that diversity is key to success and that we, and our society, would be better off if we challenged our own schemas - our subconscious ways of seeing the world - about power and value.


3. READ. Be curious. You will never have so much time again to discover different worlds and perspectives and what you read will inform who you are. These writers will lend you opinions while you go about forming your own.


4. Seek out art house and foreign language films and talks. They offer access to other cultures and ways of thinking and often transcend the limitations and stereotypes of Hollywood. They also make you sound cultured in the bar when everyone else is talking about Love Island or the new Snapchat filter.


5. Don’t dress up as a baby for netball initiation. It’s humiliating. (Also, don’t google adult baby images).


6. Be utterly clear of your standards when sober - this gives you a fighting chance of sticking to them when not. Do not make yourself vulnerable to abuse or behave in a way that makes you ashamed deep down. You can have fun, experiment, experience and grow without damaging yourselves or others. University should not be a time when responsibility is forgotten, nor self-respect. Maybe creepy but perhaps try imagining someone you truly respect watching you. I remember imagining that my dad - who died when I was young - could see my behaviour and I was totally horrified. I’m pretty sure that reaction meant I’d let myself down. If this doesn’t work for you then try having some foresight - I bet many a politician wishes they’d been given that advice. I am endlessly thankful that all my most embarrassing moments weren’t documented - but you are not that lucky.


7. Fall in love but don’t lose yourself - chances are they might not be the one. They’ll probably disappear but you will still remain, so make yourself the main investment.


8. Seek out help if and when you need it. My friend was raped at uni and never told a soul for ten years because she was too ashamed. Please please don’t let that be you. If people cannot help themselves, then you need to help them as best you can.


9. Work in crap jobs with ridiculous uniforms and spend your holidays adventuring in amazing places with wonderful people. Remember the mantra, you may not have so much free time ever again.


10. Start finding out about yourself and a world that is not the one you were brought up in: your chances of choosing a career that will fulfill you and find friends and partners who complement you will be so much greater if you’ve really looked around and inside yourself. This is your chance to step off the conveyor belt - and maybe get on a different one.


My belief in individual potential has always struggled to understand why our social system is so needlessly hierarchical, so often oppressive and so limiting; that people so passively - or actively - buy into a continuation of such prejudice, even if it harms them. As head of girls, and as a woman, my understanding of gender inequality is part of my lived experience and so the natural place to throw my passion for injustice and inequality - hence why I’ll be studying for a masters in Gender, Society and Representation - but many of the issues are the same with discussions of race and class and sex and disability. Humans are not always encouraged to see difference as positive but as something to fear and scorn and yield power over. And this injustice is something I want to spend my life fighting so that individuals, and society as a whole, can flourish. I feel blessed to have such passion and I wish you all the best of luck in finding yours too.

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